i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He? As in you personified your dick?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize