I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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