omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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