My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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