Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
