:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize