how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
