just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
