he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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