im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
