After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
