I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
