I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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