A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
