just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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