if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
