She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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