cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
