I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
