You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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