this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
