I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I need to align my fucking chakras
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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