bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
