I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently you make a good broom.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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