Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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