the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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