He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
