We're facebook friends in real life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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