It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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