As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
