I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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