dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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