well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
