Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
