Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
