hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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