I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
