Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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