she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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