Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
