Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
