and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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