I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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