It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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