Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
