the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
