Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
