That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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