dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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