Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize