i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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