omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
