I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
