Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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