I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
