So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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