MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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