just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
