I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
