I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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