would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
