Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
