I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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