I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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