Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
