this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
