I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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