I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
