i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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