I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
