I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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